Monday, June 15, 2009

Mmmm... Soilent Green!

First, the old joke:

Bum: "Say mac- can you spare 50 cents so I can buy lunch?"

Mac: "If you know where to buy lunch for 50 cents, I'm going with you!"

We're taught growing up that being kind to the "lesser fortunate" is The Right Thing To Do. We should have empathy for and help others "in need". Ok. Fine. My neighbors house burns down and they can stay with me while they are temporarily "homeless". My friend loses his job, I'll help him out with what I can. And regarding others in similar situations, even strangers- again, I gladly offer not just money but physical support as well to those who are in a bad spot through no real fault of their it that they lost their job, their house burned down, or it just didn't rain enough.

But as for the PROFESSIONAL BUM on the street who spends his entire day bothering passers-by for handouts, I say "Do something constructive with yourself- go volunteer at the Soilent Green factory". Alas, if only we did have Soilent Green factories...

Pulling the door open at Starbucks is not a "job". Sitting on your ass all day reading newspapers, drinking coffee, and smoking is not a job either- even if you took all of 5 minutes to make up a cardboard sign with some phony tale about how you were traveling to California and your car broke down...blah blah (and somehow you're in New York- so where the hell exactly did your "trip to California" begin?).

So why do so many people actually drop money into the phony bum's container? My theory is that a lot of folks do it out of a sense of guilt- they think dropping some coins in some bums cup will somehow atone for "something" they've done wrong, or they have a false sense of guilt which has been beat into them that because they are "successful" they are guilty of something and must "pay back".

Well- I ain't guilty of jack. So you want some money? Get a damn job, like I did. And don't give me this "there aren't any jobs" crap- if 25,000,000 "South of the Borderans" can sneak in and get work- SO CAN YOU, YOU LAZY BUM.

1 comment:

  1. Real case:
    Bum: "I went blind 11 years ago. Can anyone spare some change?"
    Random mope: "You're not blind."
    Bum: "Who said I'm not blind?!?"
    Random mope: silence.
    Bum: "WHO SAID I'M NOT BLIND?!?!"
    Bum: Wanders off.
    Now, I wasn't the one who said it, but I know this guy wasn't blind: in a fairly crowded subway car, he didn't step on a single toe, nor bump into a single person. That ain't easy if you can't see.
    And yet, despite the obvious phony-ness of the guy, people were dumping change into his cup left and right.