Friday, September 18, 2009

The Daily Pointlessness...


Hey you ignoranus- I didn't ASK you to cut my sandwich in half, so the LEAST you can do is COMPLETE the damn cut. What the hell is the point of you giving the thing some half-ass partway cut? Are you thinking ahead to the scenario of when I'm at my desk, trying to eat this thing, and I go to lift up a half, and instead of getting a half of a sandwich, I get a whole sandwich, half of which is dangling from my hand, oozing ketchup or cream cheese all over my shirt? Actually, I think you are too dumb to think of the consequences of your incompetence. You are just an idiot.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

The Daily Pointlessness...


Dieting without changing whatever it is that caused you to balloon up in the first place is just utterly pointless stupidity. It's like taking a pain killer when you've chopped off your finger... when the pain killer wears off, the damn thing is still gonna hurt. If you diet and lose a bunch of weight, what happens when you reach your ideal weight? Has your "lifestyle" permanently changed for the better?

There are 2 reasons for weight gain:

1) medical, i.e., something wrong with something in your body. Maybe there is treatment to correct the problem, maybe not.

2) taking in more than your body burns.

Number 2 is of course by far the most common cause of obesity. Sitting in front of a computer all day, sucking down bacon double cheeseburgers and large fries, then going home and sitting in front of a TV is a pretty good cause for obesity. And washing it down with all the "diet" soda in the world ain't gonna make a damn difference, fool.

You want to lose weight and keep it off? Ya got to MOVE. BURN. BURN. BURN. Succumbing to the latest "miracle pill" hype ain't gonna help either. "Super Fat Burner" pills that are just some form of barely-legal speed may make your nether regions feel like they are vibrating all day just make your wallet smaller. And $150 "homeopathic" bottles of water with a little ethanol added ain't gonna cut it either, ya dopes. If you can't lose weight on the required "VLCD" mentioned in the fine print, you probably need to see a doctor, as the reason you're large is probably #1 above, or that you are already dead...(how can you NOT lose weight on a 500 calorie/day diet???).

If you ever actually read Atkins' book, you'd know that he doesn't describe his plan as a "diet". He calls it a "lifestyle change".

I lost 60 pounds by getting out from behind the computer and hitting the track- EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK. And I WALKED on the track (no running from this fat boy). And I ate whatever the hell I wanted, pretty much. Yeah, I ate a lot of tuna and rice. But I also ate burgers. And fries. And occasionally drank soda (although it seems the HF Corn Syrup may play a role in try to avoid that evil ingredient...HAH!). Of course, the track I hit was in Florida. And I often was out there when it was over 100 degrees. So yeah, I sweat bullets. And I did pushups, pullups, and dips. But nothing crazy. Like I said, no running. Just moving, every day. I lost the weight, and kept it off for several years... until the forces of evil sucked me back into a seat in front of a computer again. I gained 40 pounds of it back.

I hate computers.

The Daily Pointlessness...

'Be A Mensch' group founded to teach Israelis manners

"The campaign is primarily aimed at Israelis between the ages of 16 and 35, but will also approach those outside this age group.

"Our first goal is to find the youngest person in the country who knows how to say 'please' and ' thank you [my 3 year old does this... ed.],'" quipped Kaplan, adding that the campaign would start with the basics, such as showing courtesy on the roads and not blowing cigarette smoke into other people's faces.

"Integrity and consideration have nothing to do with the religious or secular split or with the political divide," said Kaplan. "It is about one human being [showing consideration] to another, regardless of individual views."

Hmmm.... and my PARENTS taught me manners.

Monday, September 14, 2009

More Daily Pointlessness...

20 Women Stomped to Death in Ramadan Flour Giveaway

The only thing more exciting than betting on the ramadan death toll is betting on the haj stampede death toll...

Yeah, that's a horrible thing to say, ain't it? Ok, so this year we'll start a christmas-stampede-at-Walmart death toll pool.

The Daily Pointlessness...

Penny-Ante Piss-ant Power-Tripping Peasants

Prison guards who think they've accomplished something by taking away that extra pair of underwear from an inmate are Penny-Ante Piss-ant Power-Tripping Peasants.

White bitches whose HUSBANDS are rich and thinks that entitles them to take over whole rows on the train and go anywhere they want with their silly pocket-book puppies are Penny-Ante Piss-ant Power-Tripping Peasants.

Black people who purposely take up the whole aisle and move real slow, knowing some white person behind them is in a hurry, are Penny-Ante Piss-ant Power-Tripping Peasants.

People who join condominium association boards and help to pass pointless power-tripping rules that just annoy people and make life more difficult are Penny-Ante Piss-ant Power-Tripping Peasants.

Acutally, all of these Penny-Ante Piss-ant Power-Tripping Peasants are just selfish, miserable assholes, who have nothing in life, and try to make up for their worthless, miserable existences by lording what they perceive as "power" over others... of course, we who are wise to these silly bastards just laugh AT them and get on with our lives...

Friday, September 11, 2009


Today, September 11, 2009, we remember those who were murdered on September 11, 2001.

By muslims.

Not by George Bush.

Not by Israelis.

By muslims. In the name of the thing they call the "religion" of islam.

If you want to know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth about islam- don't listen to any potentially biased, prejudicial, "islamaphobic" or "racist" sources. Just go directly to the ONLY absolutely 100% unbiased, unquestionable source: read the KORAN and AHADITHS and see for yourself what this "great religion of peace" is really about.

Here's an example, straight from the source, to help get you started in your understanding. This is a prophecy of the future, of what MUST occur in order for islam to finally rule the world:

"The two great Scholars of Hadeeth, ash-Shaikhaan (Imaams Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim) have narrated on the authority of ‘Abdullaah bin ‘Umar, that the Messenger of Allaah said: “You will battle the Jews until one of them will hide behind a rock. (The rock) will say: ‘O ‘Abdullaah (Worshiping slave of Allaah)! Behind me hides a Jew come and slay him.’”

The two Shaikhs have also narrated on the authority of Abu Hurairah that Allaah’s Messenger said: “The Hour [i.e. Judgement Day, ed.] will not be established until the Muslims battle the Jews. The Muslims will battle them to the point where the Jew will hide behind a rock and a tree. So the rock - or the tree - will say: ‘O Muslim! O ‘Abdullaah (Worshiping slave of Allaah)! Behind me hides a Jew come and slay him.’"

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Hawking & Splatting

Kid, I've flown from one side of this galaxy to the other. I've seen a lot of strange things floating in urinals. (Not sure what's stranger- the turds or the used condoms in urinals). But I've never seen anything that'll make me believe that hawking loogies into the urinal and not flushing, or splattering whiz all over the floor, is acceptable behavior, by decent, civilized people. My 3 year-old son apparently has better aim than many grown men out there, and he certainly knows to flush when he's done. You nasty, selfish bastards should just be sterilized before you can procreate and perpetuate your selfish worthlessness.

And no- hocking into a garbage can isn't the least bit acceptable either. Especially when you miss.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Can You See This?

There are those who would argue that philosophically speaking, my blog is invisible since it seems to have a readership of one (including me). But I'm not here to talk philosphy right now. I'm here to talk about reality. Real invisibility. Yes, I can PROVE to you that invisibility is REAL.

Just come over to my house...pretty much any time. Bring some garbage- it can be a pastry or candy wrapper, a cereal box, packaging from something, dirty tissues, cat food, or even something like wet, mildewy towels or beach clothes. Then- toss these items about, on the floor or on the couch, and stand back and watch the magic happen. It will happen one of two ways:

1) At some point, between the time the object leaves your hand, and the point where it should impact with the couch or floor, the object will just vanish completely, right before your eyes.


2) The objects will NOT vanish- at least for you. But either stand back for a few minutes and observe, or come back the next day. What you will witness is that the objects have obviously become COMPLETELY INVISIBLE to all OTHER inhabitants of the house, as they will remain exactly where you dropped them, until such time as you or I come along and clean them up. Yes, that half-eaten Snack Cake will remain on the floor moldering and festering until it is either consumed entirely by insects or rodents, or until I clean it up.

I have spent almost 10 years trying to determine why I am the only member of my household that has the ability to see these invisible objects. Alas, I have still not been able to procure or invent something that will give my wife this gift of "seeing" that I have, so perhaps she could utilize some of her time at home all day (probably bored out of her skull with nothing to do) to remove these items so I don't have to when I get home from work.

The freakiest thing of all is that I myself seem to spend most of my time in some sort of state of invisibility. This is a phenomenon that has apparently been occurring to me most of my life, as my dear departed brother pointed out one time about 15 years he observed the effects of the phenomenon first hand. It seems he had the ability to see me when others couldn't. We went to some store one day to price some expensive electronic item- stereo components or something. I was gainfully employed, and wearing decent professional clothes (i.e. dress shirt and pants and shoes). Bro' was dressed like a bum... hair all askew, old t-shirt, shorts, and flip-flops. And he was unemployed. Yet when a saleswoman approached us, I was in my state of invisibility to her, as she literally reached her hand across my face (brushing my nose with her arm) to shake hands with my brother, while facing and addressing him, utterly oblivious to my presence.

And so, I continue to be almost run over or shoved aside on a regular basis, whether it's when trying to climb stairs or use an escalator in a public place, go through a doorway, enter an elevator, enter or exit a subway or train, or just walk down the street. There are a few people out there who wonder what the hell hit them, I'm sure...

Of course, it's not all bad being invisible. I've never been mugged. Thank God.

Sometimes You Have To Spit Instead of Swallow...

but the least you can do after brushing your teeth and spitting all over the spout and sink is to clean the spout. It would be nice if you cleaned the blobs of spittle-paste off the sink basin as well. Especially in a public restroom, where you already spent 10 minutes preening like a queen in front of the mirror, while somebody is forced to hold back a monster grunt in order to be spared the embarrassment resulting from the attendant sound effects.