Daily Dumb Asses

Iowa Police Arrest Burglary Suspects Who Allegedly Used Permanent Marker to Disguise Faces.

The Daily Pointlessness...

TRAFFIC CONTROL DEVICES...

Traffic lights, stop signs, orange cones, "Jersey" barricades... all these devices (as well as the laws regarding their obeisance) are ostensibly put in place to serve one purpose and one purpose ONLY. Regardless of what Sheriff Taylor over in Buddfugg County thinks, they are not revenue generators. They are for the purpose of safety. That's it. Traffic control laws and devices are supposed to be in place to keep people safe. And in order to legally drive in this country, one must pass both a written and physical driving test, demonstrating knowledge of what such devices and laws mean...i.e. if you don't know what the 8 sided red sign with the word "STOP" in the middle is for, you shouldn't be driving. You probably shouldn't be allowed out in public either.

So why does it seem like so many people have no clue whatsoever as to what a blinking red light means? Every morning while I await my bus, I observe the nearby intersection, with it's 4 way blinking red lights (the lights resume normal cycles at 6AM). And everyday I see not only stupid assholes (including school buses and oil tanker trucks) who fly through the intersection without even slowing down, but I also see the truly selfish ignorant assdrippings who drive on the shoulder to go around the silly fool who has actually stopped to obey the red light. I am awaiting the day, which I know is coming soon, where a tanker trunk and church van full of nuns have their fateful meet at that intersection. If I had a fully charged phaser bank at my disposal, that intersection would be littered with flaming remains of these selfish miscreants. Of course, if I had a phaser bank at my disposal, and used it to dispatch all the selfish, lazy, mean ignoramuses, the world would be a hell of a lot less populous.

Now what we really need to do is ramp up 'Green production.

The Daily Pointlessness...

So why don't I post every day? Cause... I accept that this blog, with it's readership of 1 or 2, is essentially.... pointless.

The Daily Pointlessness...

Every morning I watch as some old person shuffles decrepitly down the aisle on the train, cane in one hand, roller bag handle in the other. I'm talking people in their 70's. And I think- dammit, am I gonna have to be rolling my decrepit ass to work every morning when I'm in my 70's? Is that what I have to look forward to?

But then I realize- these people always seem to be well dressed, and get on at places like Westport, CT or Darien, CT, some of the most affluent towns in the U.S.A. Most likely, they are NOT going to work because they need the money. The only reason their shuffling to work every day instead of playing shuffle board down South is because either a: they're afraid that "retiring" will somehow just cause them to keel over dead, or b: greed.

All I know is that when I'm 70, the only work I want to be doing will be on my model railroad.

And BTW- when my hearing goes, I will not pretend that everyone else mumbles. I'll get the damn hearing aid.

My Life On A Sound Stage

During those times I am not invisible I am certain that I live within a giant sound stage. The evidence points to me being the star of something like "The Truman Show". Time and time again I happen to be minding my own business, moving along, when I come upon people who are just stopped- frozen- in the middle of my path. And right as I am about to go around them, they suddenly come to life, and start moving (in my way of course), as if the hidden director in the sky called out "ACTION" into their hidden earpieces.

The weirdest thing is that it's always some old bag, or cripple or someone who just oozes along real slow, when I'm in a hurry. If they waited only 5 seconds more before becoming re-animated, I would have passed them...

The Daily Pointlessness...

COMPLETE THE CUT...

Hey you ignoranus- I didn't ASK you to cut my sandwich in half, so the LEAST you can do is COMPLETE the damn cut. What the hell is the point of you giving the thing some half-ass partway cut? Are you thinking ahead to the scenario of when I'm at my desk, trying to eat this thing, and I go to lift up a half, and instead of getting a half of a sandwich, I get a whole sandwich, half of which is dangling from my hand, oozing ketchup or cream cheese all over my shirt? Actually, I think you are too dumb to think of the consequences of your incompetence. You are just an idiot.

The Daily Pointlessness...

DIETS!

Dieting without changing whatever it is that caused you to balloon up in the first place is just utterly pointless stupidity. It's like taking a pain killer when you've chopped off your finger... when the pain killer wears off, the damn thing is still gonna hurt. If you diet and lose a bunch of weight, what happens when you reach your ideal weight? Has your "lifestyle" permanently changed for the better?

There are 2 reasons for weight gain:

1) medical, i.e., something wrong with something in your body. Maybe there is treatment to correct the problem, maybe not.

2) taking in more than your body burns.

Number 2 is of course by far the most common cause of obesity. Sitting in front of a computer all day, sucking down bacon double cheeseburgers and large fries, then going home and sitting in front of a TV is a pretty good cause for obesity. And washing it down with all the "diet" soda in the world ain't gonna make a damn difference, fool.

You want to lose weight and keep it off? Ya got to MOVE. BURN. BURN. BURN. Succumbing to the latest "miracle pill" hype ain't gonna help either. "Super Fat Burner" pills that are just some form of barely-legal speed may make your nether regions feel like they are vibrating all day just make your wallet smaller. And $150 "homeopathic" bottles of water with a little ethanol added ain't gonna cut it either, ya dopes. If you can't lose weight on the required "VLCD" mentioned in the fine print, you probably need to see a doctor, as the reason you're large is probably #1 above, or that you are already dead...(how can you NOT lose weight on a 500 calorie/day diet???).

If you ever actually read Atkins' book, you'd know that he doesn't describe his plan as a "diet". He calls it a "lifestyle change".

I lost 60 pounds by getting out from behind the computer and hitting the track- EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK. And I WALKED on the track (no running from this fat boy). And I ate whatever the hell I wanted, pretty much. Yeah, I ate a lot of tuna and rice. But I also ate burgers. And fries. And occasionally drank soda (although it seems the HF Corn Syrup may play a role in obesity...so try to avoid that evil ingredient...HAH!). Of course, the track I hit was in Florida. And I often was out there when it was over 100 degrees. So yeah, I sweat bullets. And I did pushups, pullups, and dips. But nothing crazy. Like I said, no running. Just moving, every day. I lost the weight, and kept it off for several years... until the forces of evil sucked me back into a seat in front of a computer again. I gained 40 pounds of it back.

I hate computers.